Picking Crabs..

This past week has had its ups and downs. At the end of last week I had a minor breakdown. I was out for a run when I looked down at my legs and was disgusted to see the dozens of bug bites covering my once smooth skin. After seeing the bites all I could think about was how dirty I felt. The bug bites were only one aspect of my dirty life. I thought of the mice we've seen in the kitchen, the rats in the backyard, the mold growing in the basement, and just overall never feeling clean. At that point I wanted to do something immediately. So, I stopped at the store on the way home and bought Raid and mouse traps. Then, as I walked home, I looked down and saw a used condom on the ground. I had had it! I went home sprayed the house with Raid and got in the shower (for more than my allotted 10 minutes). I scrubbed every inch of my body and washed my hair multiple times. I got out expecting to have washed away the grime and dirt. And while I may have been physically clean for the moment, I really did not feel any better about anything.

Later that afternoon I was talking to a couple of my roommates about this minor breakdown. Something that Amanda said has stuck with me the past few days. She said, "It is one thing to know that poverty is dirty, and it is another to understand it." And while I don't think I'll ever entirely understand the dirtiness of poverty, I know that this experience is giving me a small window into this reality.

I feel as though I've been thrown into a world that I have prepared myself for and a world that I have been taught about. However, it remains a world that I'm still trying to understand, a world that I fear I may never understand.

My community at work and my community at home continue to open my eyes and my heart. I felt like I made a lot of mistakes at work last week. I'm still learning the ropes, and every time I make a small mistake, or a resident gets upset, I can't help but take it personally. Thankfully, the residents quickly forget the mistakes and hold on to my successes.

One example is about a coffe mug. Apparently when I ran the dishwasher last week I lost one of M's plastic coffee mugs. I really don't think he ever put it in there, but he swears he did. I really felt awful that he couldn't find his cup, and so did he (which I knew because he reminded me of it constantly). After an unsuccessful search, I went home and picked out two mugs from my house that nobody uses. The next day I took them to work and told M he could have one of them. Now, this seemed like a small gesture to me, but it was like Christmas for M. He picked the green one, and now every time I see him he thanks me and reminds me that he picked the green because he is Irish. He has also made it a point to tell my boss what I did and how nice it was of me to bring him the mug. Today, M re-payed me for the mug by sharing some of his steamed Baltimore crabs that he bought with his social security check. We sat out on the porch and and picked the crabs laughing every time the shells flew at the person across the table. As we sat there with the radio blasting and crab guts all over us I couldn't help but think how picture perfect this afternoon was.

DF, the old blind man still might be my favorite (even though I'm not picking favorites). Today he told me he was going to be sick tomorrow so he could stay home from his program. He told me not to tell anyone he was lying about being sick. Then when he found out I had tomorrow off, he decided he might go to the program after all and be sick on Thursday instead. He has also become my source of house gossip. I'm pretty sure that the first house rule is "NO GOSSIP", but he seems to ignore that rule at all times. I have to say that although I don't encourage the gossip, I also don't mind hearing it.

DB is still silly as ever. The other morning I went in to wake her up and she rolled over groaning about not wanting to get up. Then she looked up at me and said, "Stay-say, I missed you so much. you so cute. I love your outfit." What am I going to do with her?

As far as my community at home goes, I'm slowly starting to feel more comfortable around them. Some of my favorite times have been impromptu "girl talk" which happens at all hours of the day. We four girls have found ourselves in the living room painting our toenails whispering, or the best was this past Saturday in the middle of the night talking about our ridiculous, yet fun, weekend.

Last night we went to the Jesuit residence (home of nine Jesuit priests) for dinner. At 5:30 there was mass, then drinks on the porch, then dinner at 6:30. They have a cat that Willie, the oldest of the community (somewhere in his 80s), has named Snookems that hangs around and keeps Willie company while he goofs off all day long (his words, not mine). The Jesuits always intrigue me. The many Jesuits that I have come in contact with throughout these past few years have been great models of peace and knowledge and have inspired me in so many ways.

That's all I've got for now. Tomorrow I have a day off. I plan to find a bike to buy and relax a bit. I'm looking forward to it!


Peace and Love,

SCH